The entirely orchestrated event of Mr. Cumlover ‘sprinting’ from No. 10 with his man bag over his shoulder and the look of a man who had forgotten to buy his wife an anniversary gift was nothing short of comical.
Boris had tested positive for coronavirus, and within a week or so, our fearless leader was admitted to hospital for precautionary reasons. Fair enough. He didn’t look 100%, but as the lazy fucker doesn’t use a comb (or birth control), it’s hard to picture a healthy Boris.
I was prepared to give Boris the benefit of the doubt for now and hoped he had a speedy recovery.
Then came the news that Boris was being rushed to intensive care…again as a precautionary measure.
The UK media was hooked. I’m just amazed that each news bulletin didn’t end with the EastEnders ‘doof doofs’ drums to intensify the cliff-hanger moment.
Will Boris survive?
Tune in this time tomorrow to find out…and now the weather.
Doof, doof, doof, doof, doof, doof
EastEnders theme tune (1985 – present)
Then came the news that Boris was close to being ventilated. Does this mean the doctors are going to open a window to let the Boris skank out or the more traditional medical method of intubation of the airways and the use of a mechanical ventilator?
It seemed the latter, although I suspect the medical advice included the words that we should ‘crack the window open a touch, you know, in the interests of national security’.
A day or so passed and Boris is back on the ward and then home…to spend time with his heavily pregnant partner. Seems like a completely wise plan for recovery. The NHS advise pregnant women to avoid contact with anyone with symptoms of COVID-19. I’m not sure if this advice extends to the Prime Minister and his wife/partner/scandal/significant other.
Don’t worry, it gets worse.
Then followed the revelations that the NHS saved Boris’ life. It was touch and go as to if he would survive.
Then it slightly changed to it was 50/50 as to whether he would be ventilated. He wasn’t, so it turned out to be 0 chance of being ventilated.
So, here we have a COVID-19 patient presenting with mild symptoms. Things get a bit ‘sketchy’ and the patient is admitted to hospital, then intensive care, then back to the ward and then home without any invasive life saving procedures at all…although it is reported that Boris received 4 litres of O₂. I genuinely feel sorry for the oxygen.
Total bollocks Mr. Cumchops.
Then came the clap for our carers campaign. At face value, this was a perfect demonstration of gratitude to those people risking their lives by helping others, but it was somewhat hijacked by the government and Mr. Cummingsonmyface to send a political message that the Conservative government is behind the NHS.
The same government that has ripped the backbone out of our health service to sell to private companies.
The same government that has reduced healthcare budgets and overseen the closure of several hospitals.
The same government that has left our frontline NHS staff without vital PPE supplies during a global pandemic…even though they were warned to stock up in the event of a viral outbreak.
The same Conservatives that cheered so enthusiastically when their vote blocked a pay rise for NHS nurses.
Utter bollocks Mr. Cummings (shit, his real surname is actually worse than the others).
Some suggested this enthusiastic celebration of the NHS was to divert attention from the shambolic government handling of the pandemic.